“Culture helps us pick good wines and has the joyful side effect of making us better in bed, because we choose better lovers. So, read everything wine-related you can get your hands on. Read this blog from top to bottom”
Say you're a modern, independent and fun-loving woman with personality. When you're completely honest with yourself, however, the panorama looks like this: dull lunchtime propositions from cheating spouses in denial, dead-end office flirtations and an inbox full of midnight messages from strangers saying things like “let’s meet for coffee” or “how about a beer?” or “tell me about yourself” as though you had nothing better to do... Yes, something's not right, and it's worth standing your ground.
If this is the case, I recommend you say enough is enough and pursue your not-so-decent intentions straight up, no prudishness, and with one condition: if it's a date then over a glass of wine or several. That is the key and if not... Well, no date then.
The key, in short, is this: you're going on a date to have fun. It's not about getting sweet-talked or being a caffeine-fueled cure against the ex or having your patience deliberately tested.
This is why you should embrace the following metaphor (“we think we're mammals, but we're metaphors,” said the poet) and let them have their beers and coffees, and whatever it represents, with someone else. What you're about is wine.
Convince yourself: everything will be great as soon as you embrace the idea of in vino veritas and pursue your real truth.
Yes, it will. I know that if you're getting “more messages than satisfaction,” as I said earlier, it's precisely because you don't grasp your real truth. And this hinders you. But not to worry, this is why I have a few inspiring examples up my sleeve. Let's see if any of them awaken the real true urges you need:
“I want good sex.”
“I don't want to hear about work stuff.”
“I don't want to be lied to, because I don't lie: a woman who is upfront deserves as much in return.”
“I want to be submissive if I feel like it/Begging isn't my style... But give me a good enough reason and I might be willing to learn.”
“Whatever happens, I won't introduce you to my parents, and I'm not interested in meeting yours.”
The list goes on.
If you've read this far, but aren't modern or independent or full of personality, and none of this has ever occured to you, and you're already arching one skeptical eyebrow (or both have shot up in surprise) then... Even better!
If you follow my advice, you will be and you'll want it all, right now, just as I described, I promise. Keep reading or forever ask yourself what would've happened if you'd listened to me and given it a try. After all, this is the only life we got.
So what's all this about wine and your real truth? It's about letting the man know what's up. Or the woman if you're a lesbian. Or both if you're bi. (I recommend trying everything. It helps us make discerning choices, which is exactly what this article is about.)
The “wine only” dating rule (not just any old wine, obviously) works for any living breathing being—as long as this being knows how to appreciate good wine, of course.
Let's cut to the chase. First, you need to do a bit of therapy, get out of the ring and focus. But I'm not talking about the therapy you get at a weekend meditation retreat or at a girls' dinner or in a biodanza workshop. What you want is refined therapy, as in “I'm going to figure out what I like, and you won't know what hit you.”
If you know what you like, you'll also know how to be liked. It seems silly, but take a moment to think about it... Now... What do you like?
This is what I'm telling you. Figuring out what you like isn't easy. Sometimes it takes a lifetime, but there are shortcuts to enjoying what you like while you're still young and able.
It isn't easy—and it isn't something we've been taught—but it is so worth it that we should happily suffer sore neurons from all this mental exercise. If you know what you like, you're already halfway there. If you know what you like, things will only get better.
So... “Red or white?”
The ultimate goal for any woman is to confidently say, “Let me see the wine list,” and make a discerning choice.
How? With a bit of culture, of course. Culture helps us pick good wines and has the joyful side effect of making us better in bed, because we choose better lovers. So, read everything wine-related you can get your hands on. Read this blog from top to bottom. Head over to a good winery and taste wines. Sign up for a wine tasting course! Discover the wines you like and spend more time reading up on them. Make lists. And every week, buy one or two bottles. Taste the wine on your own, and if you don't like it...pour it out or give the bottle away. It is a very healthy exercise: invest a couple of months and a few euros every week and you'll be in great shape. Tell yourself “I like it” a few times—trust me, it's very liberating. You'll have found your favorite wines and, most importantly, you'll have embarked on your metaphorical journey toward the real truth, and you won't want to go back, ever.
Unconvinced? Take a good look at the following example:
- “Hey, how about we go out for a drink?”
- “I would love a bottle of Viña Esmeralda”
- “Viña Esmeralda”
- “Google it.”
Two days later: “I've found a place where they have it! Should I book for Thursday?”
And yes. He should make that reservation. Because natural selection has done it's work. If your potential date has passed this test, you know he really likes you. It's worth having that wine with him. He's eager to please you, and if you put in a little effort too, you'll have an excellent evening together, free from deception and doubt.
Why? You were upfront: you want what you like, you won't settle for less, and if you don't like something, you speak your mind like the calm, modern, sincere and bold woman you initially gave yourself out to be. When a good wine comes your way, clearly and unmistakably labeled, take a confident sip, and if it's off, send it back and try another bottle. Like I said, this life is all we got. But when you know the real truth, in vino veritas, it tastes better.
Roser Amills is a writer and journalist living in Barcelona.
Her leitmotiv: the main sin in bed is to get bored.